I was born in VietNam in 1974.  I left at the age of 1 month.

I first returned to VietNam at the age of 27 years and after the birth of our daughter.  I returned with only my husband.

I wept a few quiet tears on the landing but after that was okay.  I was overwhelmed during the first few days as I there was a lot of anticipation leading up to the return trip.

The fact that I was was treated as a foreigner and not a local was no surprise as this is what I expected.  It was certainly different being surrounded by Asians rather than white people.  However, I was definitely conscious of looking at those around me, trying to work out how and to what extent I looked like them.  This made me feel on edge, especially as in Saigon there were many very poor and invalid people on the streets begging.  I was constantly wondering if I was related.  After a few days I had to consciously tell myself to "chill out" otherwise I would suffer an anxiety attack.

In the end I sincerely appreciated and grew from my return visit.  I felt that I had prepared myself well for what to expect yet allowed myself room to experience for myself and draw my own conclusions.  I was very aware that this visit would lay the foundations for my future learning about my birth culture.  I didn't plan anything heavily personal for the first trip, a general tourist type itinary and a visit to the orphanage.  I really wanted to get a general feeling for the place.

Advice for other would be to talk to others who have returned to your country of birth - adoptees, tourists, and adoptive parents.  Keep in mind that they have their own reasons for having gone and they would be different to your own.  Don't be put off by negative reports, but keep them all in mind.  Try to understand the reasons for your own return, even if just simple curiosity.  Don't take other people's reports as advice but maybe more as snap shot of their impression.  Then go and explore for yourself!  (A bit like child birth, you hear all the stories, good and bad but in the end it is how you experience and what you learn along the way that really matters).

I have recently returned from VietNam from my second visit.  The city has changed a lot which always alters your perceptions (for the better in this case).  I went by myself this time and met up with a good friend.  She is Vietnamese Australian and as a refugee she still has family in VietNam.  This trip was to look for some biological family and to experience a more "real" VietNam away from the tourist tracks.  This I did successfully thanks to my friend's patience with me asking all sorts of questions.  This allowed me to go beyond the language and cultural barrier and get an idea about the people. On leaving this time I feel as though I have finally crossed over a line from not understanding my birth culture, or seeing it only really through tourist eyes, to having a firm foundation to continue learning about my birth culture.

Sue-Yen Bylund (nee Luiten)